Monday, November 9, 2009 1:17 AM
My mission for the day is very simple. That is...
To guard RG-01010.
TEN TEN.
守着天天.
I've to do this because Prab may bounce in anytime for inspection. Well.. It isn't that bad considering getting paid 100 over dollar for 8 hours just to guard a reactor. But let me tell you.. You've got no freakin' idea how boring it is. No joke. All the way until 2030 then I found myself a better entertainment, that's to draw and draw and draw. It really kills time.
Anyway, let's cut the crap.
Synthesis Team 1
08 Nov 09
Frankly speaking, the first time I saw SP logo back one year plus ago, I'm actually damn turned off, just that I never tell anyone about it. I like Merck one more. Whether it's better or not, judge it for yourself, provided you can spot it in the above picture.
I've been seeing a lot of fucked up posts lately, it seems like a lot of people is going through tough times as well. I'm in no position to cease the rant, but still, hang on there people! Don't lose your sanity and keep your moral, seriously.
And my driving lesson is at 1030am instead of the usual 1pm tmr Dx..
Good night world.
Sunday, November 8, 2009 1:49 AM
以前，对很多事情都不是很明白，可是因为自己天生看东西比别人仔细，以为自己很厉害，什么都了解，所以在嘲笑某些事情时也不以为意。现在，事情接触多了，才开始慢慢明白很多事，更不会再抱着看戏的心态去看别人的事，尤其是身边的人。
不可以了解，至少尽量接受。不可以接受，对别人的尊敬也不可以因为一点小事而变少。
一件事情，可以因为很多理由而发生，同样的，很多事情发生了，可以是完全没有理由的。
我得强调，是接触，不是经历，所以，不一定是在我本人身上。
是，拆穿别人的确是很过瘾，也显得自己真的看事看得仔细。过程中也证明了自己，自尊心自然会变强，但是除此之外其实也有牺牲到东西的。做人不要太自私吧。。不要因为要更大的面子而去踩别人的脸吧。
有得必有失。
我要声明多一次，以上说写的，对，事情可以是别人的，可是看法和做法完全是自己之前或者现在的。没有影射任何人的意思，请不要再误会我，我的人生已经充满了误会。
在走廊上徘徊，哈。。
啊~ 矛盾阿矛盾，烦死了。真的不可以听黑心的话。
想起以前写的文章有改变过人，很欣慰。
觉得自己慢慢再长大，但是总是不够成熟。真的是不经一事，不长一智。
开心点，至少想起开心的回忆还是会心情好。
Thursday, November 5, 2009 10:29 PM
Hello.
I'm back.
I survived.
Life is full of drama, my own drama, people's drama and more of people's drama. It seems like everyone's schedule is pretty hectic lately, in the November. I've always feel that November is a peaceful month, maybe it's due to the fact that no birthday of my loved ones fall on November, yet. I don't know, I like the name the most too, among all the 12 months. And maybe also because November makes me think of snow, cold and everyone hides at home to sleep. But I think, right now, November is a month to rmb, for the obvious, because of the dramas.
And maybe if you ask me if I've regret anything in life again, I can answer you better now. I think I should make a point to really rmb this kind of pain so that hopefully the same thing will never happen again.
I don't pray that bad things won't happen to me, I only hope for strength and courage to face all these. I still believe it's all these things that make a person stronger.
Very often, I'll look up to the sky and ponder quietly within myself, why have God constructed me and build me in such a way. Yes, I do believe that God exists, but I don't believe in leaving everything up to them.
I'm a rational person, only if I'm in the right state of mind. And being in the right state of mind, I mean I act according to my brain and not my bitter heart. Meaning I don't have a rational heart lol...
Many a time, I realised I don't have the privileges to "fuck care la". Because whenever I choose to not care about things, then shit will crop up. Or maybe it's because I always choose to neglect things at the most critical stages, when I'm really outta my wits to solve things. Or maybe I cared too much in the beginning to start with.
Let me emphasize again, I wasn't in a relationship, and I'm not in a relationship, all these has got nth to do with relationships and stop cooking up new tales about my love life, it's blank and still blank. It's not funny when you make things up, and attempt to push me to admiting a tease, it's irritating.
It's about failing to cherish.
You won't know how much you used to possess until you lose it.
I've always believe in this sentence, but I always fail to keep it in mind. Because of the usual getting used... and thinking that everything is a mere "only right leh".
I pushed my luck too far.
I don't know where I'm now, I don't know where I'm heading as well. I only know I'm still trying really hard and I'll keep it going despite the minor blows here and there that can keep me stoning at one point for way too long to the extend that whenever I'm straing blankly at smth with words on it, people will think that I'm memorising that thing lol...
"Oi! Memorising the shift log ah!"
o.o...
I've never come across such a knot, such a difficult knot. It's not the first day I know I'm not dealing with just anybody, this person is waaaaay too different. Things have always been easy for me, I've always think that I won't have problem dealing with people as long as I want to, but ha.. I screwed up really badly for thinking too highly of myself. Too arrogant.
Karma.
So nowadays if you think that I'm like one of the sister in homes seemingly always so willing to lend a listening ear all the time, don't ask the why, 'cos the answer is obvious. I just want to make more effort on taking care of the people around me, their emotions la kaoz, not their pockets or whatsoever.
Don't forget to shut up and listen to people no matter where you are now. You won't know how much that person needed a listening ear yet so afraid of troubling anyone with his/her auntie agony. You don't know how much difference you can make until you really go and do it.
Keep your morals man.. Don't sell people's secret just to earn things back.
And I supposed this is the first time in my life I think that a smile can make such a big difference.
So bloody hell, people, SMILE MORE PLEASE.
More drama.
This piece of news that was annouced back earlier in the beiginning of the year on my 21st birthday has gone "Live" today.
Today, 05 November 2009, is the day Schering Plough don't exist anymore.
From now on, we're the New MERCK.
The day at work started with quite a shock. Just imagine your MD standing at the doorway shouting GOOD MORNING TO YOU, WELCOME TO THE NEW MERCK. I was having sinus, then their energy blew it all away. Then followed by the townhall meeting where basically I think all the non operation and non IPC people chionged down, which makes it feel like a weekend morning shift at the end of the shift. WHERE'S EVERYONE? Oh, not forgetting the liberation, everyone can choose whether they want to attend or not. So it's all voluntarily.
Uncertainty floating around. I don't know, I guess we just gotta take whatever that comes our way. So far the most difficult to adapt part that I've heard will be the part where people will be transferring around. I don't know exactly what they mean, and this is what makes it scary.
Another drama..
I'm not studying BTech anymore with Vinny, Shiqi mama and Loh Bee Leng coming January anymore. I'm not ready for such a big commitment. Not enough money, not enough energy, not enough time.
I should have know that I won't be ready even by January, but I've been lying to myself all this while. The unexpected issues that occurred on the way make this even more impossible. So eventually I still gotta give up. I didn't give up from the beginning because it's like a golden opportunity and it still is like a golden opportunity. I won't even say that I've get over this anyway, no point hiding.
我本来就不潇洒，也不用act帅。我很不甘愿，我真的很不甘愿，我还是很不甘愿。可是我没有办法。
I've to clarify though, I'm not obsessed with Chemical Engineering, so it's not this that makes me feel so ass-ed up now. Cannot be ask me to study this with Kok Howe, Kenneth and Brandon or smth 2 years later or smth right!!! (sorry kok I've to say this) It's still good to an extend but trust me, totally uncomparable.
But to think of the brighter side.. I don't think I can absorb anything even if I am to take it up now.. I don't want to waste 4 years time on a cert that I know nth much about.. I don't want to be an empty shell, and I don't want to struggle 4 years just to be a empty shell with a cert.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing the other 3 'cos they're obviously different from me.
Shiqi have got all the drive in the world, I do not.
Ah bee don't sleep in class. I do.
Vinny sleep in class but he has got the brains. I do not.
And I don't want to emphasize any more about me not being an Audio learner. I don't want to enter the lecture hall to always have only one purpose that is to sleep. I don't want to sit inside the lecture hall only with one thing in mind that is when is it going to end. I don't want to step out of the lecture hall with only one thing in mind that is I learnt nth today again.
You can say that all these are just excuses to be lazy, actually. Which I believe many people will think so without me having to remind. Don't think I don't know what you're thinking. I don't expect anyone to understand my situation at all, I don't need to explain to everyone about my plight, and I don't need you, YES, YOU TO JUDGE ME.
hm. Drama can lead to new drama. This drama is one of the thing that leads to the orange drama at the beginning of this post. I can only blame myself for poor self control.
For now, I've stopped drinking no matter how difficult it's to sleep. And I've stopped swearing no matter how upset I'm.
The rest of the dramas in my life the last 3 months or so is like porno, not for all. So, thats all folks, the people who asked for a read.
And c'mon, it's only down for 4 days.
Saturday, October 31, 2009 9:09 PM
明明在意，还要装潇洒
明明心疼，还要装麻木
明明紧张，还要装镇定
明明听见，还要装聋哑
明明感性，却要装无情
明明自私，却要装伟大
家里很小
要躲，要闪
外面很乱
要收，要障
我的床很脏
不是泪，就是汗
睡着之前需自我催眠
梦里一直在打仗
摇醒自己过后再挣扎
你知道那种烦了好几个月，都做不出决定的感觉吗？
你知道那种不管是什么事，都把错往自己身上塞的感觉吗？
你知道那种不管你怎么改，都不可能解决任何事情的无奈吗？
你知道那种不管你多么努力，都改变不了任何想法的感觉吗？
事情堆在一起，很乱，很扎
装了聋，装了哑，还要装瞎
不敢听，不敢问，更不敢看
不敢懂，真的不敢
不得怨天，不得怨人，不得怨事
在痛死之前，希望可以习惯
放过我，好吗？
Sunday, October 25, 2009 11:46 PM
Dear readers,
need some help.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Singapore-City-Singapore/Wika-Interior-Design/166753996673?ref=ts
my father's company.
become a fan!
THANKS with a sincere BOW
8:19 PM
Bussssy week?
Sorry no pictures though. 'Cos none is inside my hard disk.
October, a busy month as usual.
Last Sunday was Vianne's 1 year old birthday celebration! Fuuuun. Saw everyone, yeah basically every cousin whom I deemed as close. Some of who I never see for ages, and they changed a lot, really a lot, physically la. Saw a lot of secondary school mates as well. Got the birthday baby a piglet balloon which is shit big, good suggestion by Amanda Tang, I mean really, 'cos the baby love it and because I was too thin skin to carry such a big thing to Woodlands, she followed me to Woodlands then off she goes. I still prefer my usual low profile.. lol.
Tuesday morning before afternoon shift went for badminton with the SP peeps. Planned to be late 'cos I knew a lot of ppl will be late. Didn't play much, but still had fun. Spared the muscles, pleased the itch.
Thursday evening went out to meet Xinyi and Chaihui!!! Wow lao, it has been ages. And not sure why they've this misconception of it's really difficult to ask me out due to my hectic schedule so they always don't bother to ask me along for outings -_-. So right at that spot I fixed a date for the next outing. The first thing that Chaihui told me when she saw me is..
“为什么变到这样。。。”
lol.. Bian dao zen yang sia.. Didn't clarify. Will do the next time we talk. I don't even know how was I supposed to be o_o.
We went to Sushitei at Paragon. Nice nice, as usual. I think I really like Sushitei haha. The Sashimi, the Golden roll, the scallops... the.. I don't the names..
Our Miss Chong is even more difficult to date ok.. Friday, Saturday and Sunday jitao all cannot touch one, specially reserved for Gavin. Don't forget how few years ago when you were enjoying the duck together with us at Dian Xiao Er.. How the phone call sucked you away from the table immediately LOL. Classic.
Changed la.. Everyone changed basically. Enjoy full time studying man... Xinyi jio us go travelling, not sure if it will work this time round or not. We shall seeee.
Friday night was Partyworld to the max. Went out after dinner, first to Queenstown MDIS to look for Coral and Pork. Reached Queenstown, kena cut queue at taxi stand, uncle lai de. Funny sia, act blur live longer style, cut the queue alrdy blocked my way, stood there like nth happened. Then I boarded a taxi driver who don't know what's MDIS.. And we toured Alexandra Road to the max before he finally sent me to MDIS after I called Pork to ask which street it is.
Funny feeling the moment I stepped into the campus. Reminded me of the days in WDL and Ngee Ann. The Graduation Day, the SC camps, the Sec 1 Orientation, the treasure hunt, the SC meetings late in the evenings, some NPCC days in WDL and then the concourse reminded me of the days we trained for the cheerleading competition at Woodlands Stadium, the corridors that we used to run along when we were running late for PE, or assembly or some classes. Then me and a few will skip break and slack one corner during recess. Then during the badminton days when Tan Peng Yeon isn't around we will play to the max on our own all the way until 6pm.. Then we will walk towards the bus stop together.
Then the days in Ngee Ann, the FYP days, the days where we mugged till sunset in the library, the days where each group booked a study room and we stayed in there till the library close, the days where we were supposed to work on PED, but we fooled around to the max until lunch time then continue to fool around after lunch time all the way until we go home and completed nth in the end, and the cycle goes on. Then the projects and more projects.. The MDIS canteen reminded me of Canteen 1, 2, 3 & 5... the melrose project that failed like nobodies business lol.. The carpark reminds me of the Engineering building where we'd our excel and autocad lessons.. Then when I saw the students walk in big groups heading home, I was reminded of how we used to go to lessons in ultra big groups too, with our laptops, with our lecture notes, fooling around on the way, gossiping, talking and talking then laughing out loud, laughing till we got no strength to walk, then go to SIM canteen again in super big groups and flood the foodcourt. Which then reminded me of the SIM ban bian and western food. Then the sports hall where we'd our napfa, our badminton sessions, my sports and wellness with seafood.
...
Wa lao. Flashback.
>_______________<
Reminiscence.
I'm really forgetful. Maybe if I'm not being reminded about the good old days, I still won't ask if I can go back or not. When days are hard and getting harder, you will always have this stupid request that always goes unanswered. I tht I was different from the rest 'cos I never wanted to go back to the past like how many others always mention, but I supposed I was very wrong. Those days were much carefree, but of course the pocket is much tighter. Simple joy, and plain fooling around, plain childish, plain stupid lol..... Just study and study, or rather, copy and copy HAHA. Well that's for me. Miss ah ban's wits, miss stoll's propaganda and videos, miss vivien's detailed lectures, miss joel's jiao bin, miss the slopes in the campus -_- miss bullying and exposing people LOOOOL. tyrant. really!!!
仔细想想，以前真的很霸道 lol...
miss the carefree in WDL, miss the fun in Ngee Ann.
Ok, so much about a trip to MDIS. Before I evolved into an emo again.
After meeting the people, we went to Partyworld at Chinatown. Woohoooo. Don't misunderstand, I don't sing, 'cos kia paiseh. Main purpose is to listen to Amanda sing wooohooooohooo. Big crowd, 10 over ppl, with a big room, omg liquor -___-.
When Amanda first asked me to choose the song I was like wtf, I tht I told you I won't sing?! Then the next sentence really make me 受宠若惊, 'cos she said
I CHOOSE, SHE SINGS O_O.
baik sia. luxury WOOHOOOOO.
When she sings the 2nd song of the day, where everyone was around, I noticed the crowd who never hear her sing before basically all turned and look at her in awe. Just believe it, she is awesomeeeee. But I didn't tell her that day 'cos I think she is probably sick of hearing from me alrdy, say I po her again.... Other then that, the crowd like canto songs a lot, so basically its listening to the canto emo siao to the max.
Got home at 340. Slept at 430. Woke up at 1pm.
Supposed to meet LKL at Jurong Point at 4pm to get kok's present but this guy got all the timing wrong -_-. So I shopped around on my own first while he gave the directions. He and vinny reached around the same time and we manage to get the presents in time.
Which is an IPod Touch Original Cover and a Hugo Boss Energiseeed.
Reached kok's place around 6pm and eat and eat and eat to the max. Talk cock session as usual. hanjuan, yingjie, kuok, vinny and I reached on time, then followed by Jasper which is totally unexpected, everyone was expecting him to reach only at 9pm or smth lol.. then followed by qy who turned up for another celebration earlier, then kw, then sq who knocked off at 8 and chionged down in company bus lol.. LSCT lab tech Eric came as well, lol.. funny. Bonding session to the max. I was shock when I realised that there were 2 grandmas around, one father side one mother side, 'cos all the while I only saw one very cheerful ah ma walk around. As usual, finish eating or eat too much always feel damn sleepy, so basically the first 2 hours I was sleepwalking or smth.
Can see that kok's dad love him a lot, putting effort in to make this whole celebration works. Envy sia.
我妈妈说，我是个粗人，她最喜欢洗我的衣服，因为我的衣服全部都丢进洗衣机，一件也不用手洗。
我妈妈还说，我越来越大只，背后像一只熊，问我是不是一直在做粗工。
我妈妈也有说，我讲话很粗鲁，动不动就骂粗话。
我妈妈又说她今天很高兴，因为我很久没有帮她晒衣服了。
我妈妈说。。
Wednesday, October 21, 2009 5:22 PM
I think I've been flaring up way too often lately.
all sort of signs and symbols just fly out.
losing control.
towards everyone and anyone.
like an angst.
I've to keep telling myself to stop, but in the end I always failed to stop, a new sentence stir up a new storm inside and then the mean words just keep flying out. it makes my heartbeat race and and I cannot stop myself.
I SAID STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP BUT I JUST CAN'T STOP.
To the extend I need to walk away or I need to chase the person away.
J'ai besoin d'arrêter!
Arrêter!
Brûler!
引火自焚